Yesterday was the first meeting of Dream Dating 50+, a group for single men and women over 50. The group was got down to business by honestly looking at the dating scene for the 50's something crowd. What's going well and what can go better were the most important topics. We reviewed online profiles, pictures and approaches to dating. There is still room if you want to join this Wholeheartedly Hopeful bunch!!
Research shows that when we get in bed at night, spending a few minutes reviewing What Went Well (WWW) that day, can be most beneficial. It can be anything, and I mean anything....
stick to your food plan?
Meet your sales quota?
Take the steps?
Watch your children playing together nicely?
Hold the door for someone in need?
Did you receive a kind word from a friend?
Or give a kind word to a friend?
Drink your 8 coups of water?
After you thought about WWW, think about tomorrow and what you want to accomplish in the short 24 hours we are given.
Simply put PLAN+REVIEW+PLAN=ACHIEVE
Give that a try!!
I don't know about you but when I start something new, I jump in head first. I give it all I've got. 100%. Go big or go home. I'm doing the happy dance! My "excited self" is energized and my "Inner Critic" is on mute. Who is the Inner Critic? It's the voice that whispers "You can't do it. You're not going to make it. You've tried this before and it never works." Usually by Day 3, my Inner Critic has figured out how to unmute himself and he is back, louder than ever. Only now he's criticizing in stereo.
So your challenge is to keep your momentum going even when your Inner Critic is whispering in your ear. Here are a few tips to keep you motivated.
Head to the library and borrow lots of books on the subject you're working on. You don't need to read them cover to cover but having them to reference helps you keep your eyes on the prize.
On your mark, get set, Google! A simple google search will keep you focused and bursting with ideas.
While you're on the computer, head on over to Pintrest and put in the search bar "healthy eating." That will keep you busy for a while!
Find a trusted friend and share your goal with them. Be sure it's someone who will cheer you on. If you tell someone and they sound like your Inner Critic, RUN do not walk to the nearest exit.
A few other motivational tips are start journaling, pray and meditate on what you want. Most importantly be PROUD! SMILE! You're starting a new journey and it's going to be GREAT.
For many, the next 10 days are the most stressful of the entire year. So please, treat yourself with compassion and empathy. Don't feel the need to get an "A+" in everything you do. Don't hold yourself to standards of perfection. There is so much to juggle, and getting a "C" is just fine. In fact, it's awesome and so are you!
Be well and stay balanced!
If you are headed back to your family home for the holidays, and growing up there wasn't the ideal situation to begin with, here are a few tips to keep you sane.
When I want to boost my exercise level or start eating healthy, I look for motivation. While that motivation can come from many places I usually start with the Internet. I sit myself down and begin “googling.” Simple searches such as “easy healthy recipes” or “15 minute workouts” usually pique my interest. Rarely do I ever follow through with what I find, but at least it opens my mind to possibilities and gets my creative juices flowing. Sometimes I jump over to YouTube to do some searching. This allows me to hear people’s stories and learn from someone who has “walked the walk.” Last week, I spoke to a 69-year-old woman who really inspired me. She rock climbs three times a week and does yoga four times a week. The day after meeting her I went to yoga ready to down dog like never before.
Have you ever noticed when you start immersing yourself in something your motivation increases and you feel good? Like the veil of darkness has been lifted? That veil or plague can make us feel like simply standing up is more than we can achieve. I want you to know that I don't expect perfection from others or myself. I do ask that you move forward ever so slightly. So think about something you want to change and ask yourself what would be the next small step you can take in that direction. Then give it a try. You will be surprised how baby steps can feel so good!
Think about this...
The famous quote by Friedrich Nietzsche states "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
For me, a clearer way to put this would be "That which does not kill me, motivates me like nothing else. And then you better watch out... because that's when I really start moving forward."
Just being honest!
When do you feel alive? Fulfilled? Balanced?
I hear a variety of responses to that question...
"I'll feel better when I'm in a relationship."
"I'll feel balanced if they cure my illness."
"I'd feel alive if I had more in my savings account."
"I would feel fulfilled if my book got published."
"I'll feel alive when my credit cards get paid off."
"I will feel balanced when my house is clutter free."
"I only feel balanced when I'm with my kids."
You may notice, in these statements, fulfillment will only come in the future when something is obtained. "My life will be good when I find that new relationship or cure or publication or bonus."
Unfortunately this is not the case. We all know that once we obtain something on our list, our mind just starts looking for the next area that's lacking.
How can you start living a life of balance and fulfillment? Begin by listing three of your values you hold deep in your soul. Here are just a few possible values; faith, love, belonging, helpfulness, leadership, bravery, humor, learning and creativity.
Each day start an inner dialogue of when you use a value and how it showed up in your life. For example; "Today I was brave when I decided to go to the party alone. In the past, I wouldn't have gone to such an event single." Or "Today I was helpful to my neighbor and it felt really good."
So when we live a life true to ourselves, we feel content. And there is no greater feeling then that
We compare ourselves to others on a conscious level as well as an unconscious level. I'm sure you know what I mean. It's that incessant chatter in your mind that, if you can't reign it in, can drive you "bat sh#it crazy."
Comparisons sound different for each of us depending on what issue we feel we are "not enough."
Comparisons sound something like this…
I wonder how much he makes.
Why can't my daughter dress like her daughter?
Why can't my body look more like hers?
How come all my friends are having kids and I'm still single?
Why didn't I become a ___ like my cousin?
If I try harder I can be more like___.
I wonder what kind of house he lives in?
How come her engagement ring is bigger than mine?
Why is she loosing weight and I'm not?
According to Brené Brown, Ph.D, comparison is the one way street leading directly to shame. Shame is the feeling that I am not (thin, rich, smart, or successful) enough. Shame leaves us feeling that we are not worthy of love and belonging. Brown states that “True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world. Our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
How do we stop comparing ourselves to others? This involves using my two favorite skills of AWARENESS and EFFORT. Next time you find yourself comparing, take a moment to recognize you are comparing. Then make an effort to say 3 kinds things to yourself. This small task, over time, can lead to self-acceptance and self-love. And those are priceless!