How do you get beyond your anger after someone has hurt your feelings? I am asking this questions today because I really want to know your answer. Call this a small qualitative study if you will.
Several weeks ago, a 14 year old client of mine sat quietly in a session with her father. Silent was not a quality she demonstrated often. Several times we asked her what was wrong and pondered aloud what might be causing her so much distress. She wouldn't tell us, slowly and silently, tears rolled down her face. Her father sat baffled and unsure what to do. Finally I asked "Did someone hurt your feelings?" With that, she cried "the ugly cry" and went on to identify a list of people who had treated her disrespectfully.
Her father and I listened as she talked about the various family members, friends and teachers that were harsh to her that week. She wasn't exaggerating either. Each person she mentioned had been overly sharp to her and her feelings were hurting. I praised her for not taking on the "angry" facade that could have caused her trouble. She was sitting in her sadness and working through it, as difficult as that was. Her father stepped up to the plate and helped her identify what was going on and said in the school situation he would make a phone call. I couldn't have been more proud of her ability to sit with the pain and then accept help.
So here are my questions to you...
Who has hurt your feelings?
What do you do when your feelings are hurt?
Do you ask for help?
How do you get beyond the sadness?
Do you lash out in anger?
What do you need to get beyond the hurt so you can still interact with whomever it is that hurt you?
Feedback and answers are welcomed!